For some reason that I'm still trying to work out on my own, I'm feeling kinda detached and depressed from the things around me. Perhaps it is just the hormones. Perhaps it is because Monday is coming soon and I suddenly have an attack of I-Dont-Want-To Go-To-Work-But-There-Is-Nothing-Else-To-Do syndrome. Perhaps I am just experiencing my old fears.
Ah, I think I got it. It is DREAD that I'm feeling right now. Dread. I'm dreading alot of things right now, and it is slowly becoming heavier and heavier with each passing moment. Oh yes, it is February now. The time of the year where things are going to get tough and the same old cycle repeats itself. I have many choices I know, but really, what can I do? Sometimes I really wonder if it is truly possible to start all over again. Please convince me, but I have discovered certain things recently that only make me think more negatively of human nature. Is there really such a thing as second chance? Oh no my friend, there never was. Once you had made a mistake, you are doomed to live with it and suffer the consequences along the way. I'm afraid too you know, because I had made some pretty bad mistakes and was pushed away from the beaten track just last year. So here I am, lost and wandering, and I had just found out things which I really did not want to know. The way the system works appalled me sometimes. How hypocrisy and discrimination wormed their way into the heart of it with such cunning is rather amazing. Welcome to the real world, where the ends always justified the means. It is all about the image.
Actually, the above issue has nothing to do with me. But I have no idea why it disturbed me so much. Perhaps we had all been fed too much sweets to realise the poison it contained. Until now. But it really is not my business, so I should just try to ignore it as soon as possible. Such burdens are really unnecessary to carry right now. Maybe one day, when it is in my position to rectify it, I promise to do it with the best of my abilities.
Moving on to other issues, this has got to be the most boring Chinese New Year ever. I know I like to whine about how traditions are really not important and all but I really miss going to my aunt's place for dinner on the first day annually. There is something distinctively missing this year, and I think it might be because of certain changes. My dad, for example, had to be overseas working because his dear bosses, who seriously need some visitings from the ghosts of Chinese New Year pasts, happen to come from that recession pending country who are more worried about losing their stakes and suffering losses than to care about workers' welfare. Land of the free indeed. I bet they jumped for joy when they heard about the snow storm in China.
Anyway, it is really dull and boring this year. To add on, my family is still observing the mourning period for my maternal grandmother so we could not do the usual celebrating. What a shame too, because this year's holidays start from a Thursday and ended on Sunday! To be honest, the first two days were a relief. My work stress chose the perfect moment to take its toll and I was down with a flu on Wednesday, so the extra rest and all the long naps were quite a welcome. But now that I have recovered, I am beginning to see how dull it is. And what's worse, I am not looking forward to work on Monday because that is when my work stress will pile up again! So I better try to enjoy tomorrow I guess. Hahaha.
Oh man, I sound so whiny in the previous paragraph! To give this entry even more kick, there was that tuberculosis (TB) scare on Tuesday. Someone around me suddenly revealed that she had TB last April, which kinda freaked out this hypochondraic leading to a really needless medical consultation. (Mum played a part in this too, and in case you do not know, you will not get TB by sharing drinks,but more likely by air.) I was scheduled for a chest X ray just to play safe but I overslept this morning. Bleah. Which is just as well, for I am not in favour of making more of my cells die, especially after recovering from that cold/flu just two days ago. Anyway, that someone had already assured me that she was discharged from the hospital 3 months ago and was declared as non contagious from the start, so if my doctor was right, I should be fairly safe.
Still, I think I will never share drinks with people again. Miss Han! I really should have taken your advice from the start! This is just too close!
Since I have nothing else to do here and am pretty sure that no one else reads my blog now (which is what I intended), I shall just continue to moan about other things. Let's see. I am not sure if I have recovered from my ear infection. (Kids, listen to your parents and do not ever listen to MP3s on those earphones!) Anyway, although it doesnt hurt or itch now I still get dried yellow stuff around my ears. Yucks, that is just so disgusting. And what's more, this is very different from the state of my ear wax pre-infection. (I shall spare myself and everyone else the details.) Let's hope that things will be back to normal soon. And I will never ever use earphones again! Argh.
Alright, since I have no other things to moan,whine or complain, I think I shall end off this entry from my favourite quote from Sweeney Todd, which pretty much sums up how I felt about certain issues mentioned earlier.
"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit! "
Perfect.
