This might seem sudden, but whenever I am feeling really screwed I find myself coming to this blog. It's both sad and bittersweet in a way, and the reminder of that is why I'm going to post here again.

Have you ever being perplexed by a few things, and suddenly with the aid of someone wiser or knowledgeable, successfully complete the puzzle together?

Then you looked at the big picture, and felt that cold clammy feeling of dread and the slow sinking of your stomach.

I understand it now.

But what you are expecting me to do is impossible. And if I choose to let you go, you will be destroyed and it will be my fault too. And you have probably guessed that given my personality, I cannot bear to let it happen willingly.

On the other hand, I have barely gotten myself out of the rut and am looking forward to a new start next year. There will be alot of changes, and I know that the path ahead will be a life changing one for me too. It will requires all my attention and energy. Yet, you are expecting me to save you from yours. In fact, you are even trying to manipulate me in your subtle ways to reach your goals. This is just like the old times is it not? Memories can go, but some things will always remain.

Sometimes loyalty to your friends can turn out to be a double edged sword.

We are all selfish arent we?