This might seem sudden, but whenever I am feeling really screwed I find myself coming to this blog. It's both sad and bittersweet in a way, and the reminder of that is why I'm going to post here again.

Have you ever being perplexed by a few things, and suddenly with the aid of someone wiser or knowledgeable, successfully complete the puzzle together?

Then you looked at the big picture, and felt that cold clammy feeling of dread and the slow sinking of your stomach.

I understand it now.

But what you are expecting me to do is impossible. And if I choose to let you go, you will be destroyed and it will be my fault too. And you have probably guessed that given my personality, I cannot bear to let it happen willingly.

On the other hand, I have barely gotten myself out of the rut and am looking forward to a new start next year. There will be alot of changes, and I know that the path ahead will be a life changing one for me too. It will requires all my attention and energy. Yet, you are expecting me to save you from yours. In fact, you are even trying to manipulate me in your subtle ways to reach your goals. This is just like the old times is it not? Memories can go, but some things will always remain.

Sometimes loyalty to your friends can turn out to be a double edged sword.

We are all selfish arent we?

Last day, last year.

The year wasnt so bad for me really, predictable outcomes, meeting personal goals and expectations and more lessons learnt. Too bad it has to end on such a sour note. I guess home isnt where the family is after all, at least not for me.

I have MOVED.

Because change is good.

To avoid that horribly annoying siblings, ask me if you wanna know the new link.

Why am I always so angry?

It's like a fire that never dies.

I'm so stressed out by them.

Is there really no way out of this misery?

Just when I thought things are getting better, I have settled my own thoughts and made plans to get out of that mess, THIS HAPPENS.

They dont want me to continue my education at all.

They want their rewards now.

They see no hope with me.

And I see no future with them either.

I only have one life you know.

I cannot love.

And I'm not going to try anymore.

Wikisurfing

Oh no, I think I'm seriously addicted to it! Actually, I wikisurfed pretty often in the past, but somehow I find myself doing it quite excessively recently, sometimes through the night. And it doesnt help that Firefox enables me to right click on a link to open it in another tab so it keeps acculmulating!

In just one night I have read about galley ships to gunpowder to Spanish inquisition to Medieval inquisition to Guido "guy' Fawkes to water boarding to smelling salts to Stockholm Syndrome to Stanford prison experiment to Milgram experiment to The Third Wave to Macrophage to McClintock effect to cloth menstrual pad...and more.

I think my brain is happy to be absorbing so many random things haha. This is more exciting than watching animal porn on Discovery or Nat geog ok.(Now dont roll your eyes!)

I find out some pretty shocking/wth/interesting things too. Like have you ever wonder what your mums and grandmas used before ultra thin plastic disposable pads come along?

"Some women, mostly ones living in rural areas or from a low socio-economic status, did not use anything to collect menstrual blood. It was believed that they left a trail of blood behind them."
-from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloth_menstrual_pad

What?!


And there is even a museum of menstruation-http://www.mum.org/pastgerm.htm

Which made me realise what those ribbons and elastic strings in the toilet during my childhood were for and why my mother was so angry when she caught me playing with them then.

ARGH.

Oh, and dont ask me how I ended up reading about hygiene affairs of women. I just keep clicking. =X

I cant seem to do anything right.

Why am I still alive?

They dont care about me anymore.

I'm sinking again.