Oh bugger

Hmm..Havent been updating for quite a while. Oh well, this week turned out to be pretty bad for me, but a bad week usually comes with some form of optimism so I guess I'll tone down on the word "bad" for now.

That feeling of sheer exhaustion is gaining on me again, particularly in the mornings when my half hearted brain scream at my battered body to get up for school.(That is, assuming that the alarm clock work at all) Sleep doesnt seem to be curing that lethagic feeling coupled with dread and stress that overwhelmed me morning after morning. It got so bad on thursday when I woke up with sore throat, headache and that usual "aw I wanna die" feeling that I can only remember myself popping two Panadols before dropping back to blessed oblivion. Sigh. Well, I guess it is just a passing thing. And it had better pass soon before I turn permanently into that grumpy old skeptic that had terrorised everyone she met during this week.

So it came as no surprise when this grumpy old skeptic made her friend cry on friday. I guess she went overboard with her fatalistic theories on the horrors of mankind while shoving "the book of survival version 21.1--Concrete Jungle" into her friend's face, who had always believed that the world consist of polite and smiling fellow beings giving away candies while shouting "Life Is Beautiful!". Naturally, the poor girl wasnt able to take it (well, I dont think anyone could, unless he or she happen to be a grumpy old skeptic too), and so retorted with a remark I would hardly find flattering. And a remark I would hardly find flattering will be followed by a remark you would find even less flattering and this will effectively erupt into a classic case of Misunderstanding, ending with the grumpy (and angry) old skeptic fuming away while her friend took off to some air-conditioned place in a huff. Ah well. People.

Still, I hope things have cleared up. I am assured that she wasnt angry with me anymore, but I'm not sure if she had forgiven me totally. It is quite bad to have your friend confessing to you that she hasnt liked you since the day she met you. But I guess I probably deserve it.



I'm sorry for hurting you all this while.


Anyway, that's just one ho-hum of the week. Then there's the case of two idealistic lovebirds which I have somehow got involved in. The guy is someone who believes in committing totally into a relationship and expect things to work out according to his idealised plan, that his girl will follow him where ever he go, making the necessary sacrifices for the sake of LOVE, since he is willing to do that for the sake of LOVE too. In short, LOVE conquers ALL. The girl, unfortunately, is just as idealistic, but believes in totally different things. She believes that it it possible to have as many cakes as possible and eat them at the same time, (I wonder how big is her mouth?) that a long distance relationship is perfectly possible as long as they still love each other in their hearts and she will be able to pursue her ambitions at the same time. In short, LOVE conquers ALL too. Of course, this doesnt go down well with the two of them and the guy felt that it would be better if they broke up now as it would hurt him less. The girl surprisingly was calm at the suggestion but realised at the last minute that she could not bear to let go and so the two idealistic lovebirds got together again. Ahh well. We will see.

It never fails to amuse me how silly people can be on the idea of love, particularly with teenagers around the same age as me.(So you know I'm not some old hag who has been out of love many times) These people usually enter a relationship without knowing what they really want out of it, or begin with their own idealistic mindsets of what they expect out of it eg, it will last forever, I will love him/her for eternity, we will get married at so and so year, have lotsa babies and live happily ever after.

It's really funny how the idea of problems like do I have enough money, national service, pursuing my own dreams and ambitions does not seem to go into these birds' minds. Small brains maybe? They were probably right in saying that love is blind, for these people not only are blind to the word PROBLEMS, they are also blind to the word CHANGE. It might all start very well, with everything seems perfect and sunny, till CHANGE came into the picture like some ugly blot of ink. Suddenly you realise that you really dont know each other at all, and that each of you had different ideas on how the relationship should go. The idea of a break up start to become very real. One part of you know that it is impossible to continue, but the other part is unwilling to let go of the security and comfort you had grew to rely on through each other.

So how? Both of you start living in a web of lies. Convincing yourself that somehow, somehow, things might just work out one day and your partner will give up on his own idealistic way of how things should be going and go according to YOUR plans. Sorry, pal, it's never gonna work. Both of you are just as selfish as each other. Both parties will end up hurting each other even more and this time the damage will be even longer lasting. People will never learn. To believe in the idea that love conquers all is enough to spell doom to your relationship man.

Haha. I realise that I really sound like some love-deprived old hag. Heh. Blame it on my literature teacher, who made me stay up the whole night to do an essay on whether love and marriage is idealistic or romantic in Jane Austen's Persuasion. Still, I believe that love is only possibly through trust, understanding and maturity, when every posssiblity has been considered and acknowledged. This is what I see in my own parents , whom I have grown to realise are the closest example to what I will call "true" love, in my opinion anyway. Haha. My dad is always working overseas and he is still on great terms with my mum after all these years, the perfect example of how long distance relationship can work. Which is why I was so angry that day when someone used my parents as example to her argument that a long distance relationship is possible, especially when she had just proven herself to be such an immature idealist. I take it as an insult man. Just how many people at our age can claim to be as matured as my parents? They had gone through so much more than any of us to reach that level of trust and understanding which formed the base of their relationship. They had an unspoken understanding on the roles they play in this relationship, one to provide for the family, another to take care of the kids. Oh man. I feel so proud of my parents now! Hahaha. X)

Enough for now. It's another unproductive weekend, with me spending the two days reading Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. A really great book from a wonderful satirist. Go read it if you can. XD