People who REALLY know me should know that I'm not the sort who expressed myself well in terms of emotions. Yeah. I'm a classic example of an emotidiot. The sort who go HUH? whenever she sees a large group of people gathering around exhibit A, a homo sepian giving an excellent display on how-to-use-those-tearducts-to-send-subliminal-messages, the kind who stands at the sideline looking apprehensively while people she knows start to cry over whatever reasons.

Now, dont get me wrong. It's not like I cant feel. I do have emotions, though I think it's a waste of time to dwell and mull over them. Most of the time, I'm able to get through my life pushing emotions aside while the rational thinking side of me take charge. But the problem lies when I have to express myself. Of course, showing emotions like anger or happiness is of no problem to me, and I often recognise and experience them intensely. But when it comes to showing concern and empathy....

There are times when I observe (or just got a gut feeling) that someone around me is feeling troubled or depressed. But I have no idea how to approach it. So I end up asking stupid questions like "How are you feeling?" or "Are you ok?" and you can bet that the answer i will get 99% of the time will be "Yeah","Ok", "Fine". This will be followed by periods of awkward silence while I think of other forms of distraction, or hope that something will happen that will change the atmosphere. This happens even with my family too, and misunderstandings of me being uncaring, unsympathetic, unconcern are always happening.

You see, when someone who is troubled approaches me, I will look at things immediately from the problem perspective. This is because I believe that the only way to make things normal again is to solve the problem itself. It hardly ever occur to me to think of what you are feeling, because I believe that that is the side effect of the problem.

Which is why I really HATE certain people. People who approaches you crying or with a sad face, not because they want you to solve it and think of solutions, but expects you to sit with them and linger on their emotions while they indulge themselves in the idea of "Oh, I'm so depress! " "There's NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that can solve it!" "Oh, I'm such a miserable person!" "Oh, SOMEONE, please tell me what to do!" While all the while REPEATEDLY rejecting me when I attempt to solve the problems and make them see things from a different angle. This of course, frustrates me alot and pushes my patience to the limits. And it really sucks when the person happen to be someone you regard as a friend.

And then there is the other sort. The kind who are aware that you are really concern for them, who knows that you really care. These are the kind who literally uses emotional blackmail on you, whining, complaining, indulging in their miserable oh-I-am-just-so-pathetic world and then start suggesting things like "Oh, I want to DIE!" "I cant see the point in living anymore!" while I get angier and angier as they are not even trying to listen to me at all. Then they will suddenly pop killer questions like "Do you CARE?" "Will you even bother when i'm gone?" or continue with their suicide planning. Now, I'm sure that by now you should understand that I'm not the sort who likes to talk about my emotions very openly. These people literally forces you to say things like "Yes I care, and I say this in all honesty" or " Because I'm afraid to lose you" because they want to feel loved, to feel secure, in short, to satisfy their own selfish desires.

You know, I really hate all these nonsense. Particularly the latter. I hate the fact that you force me to say it out. I know you know that we are all very concern, we are all worried for you. But by resorting to such tactics, you are really too much. Even if you are my friend. These people are nothing but attention seekers to me, and you know I cannot stand such people. I expect people with problems to approach me as calm as possible, though I understand that people need to let it out somehow. And mostly importantly, LISTEN to me when I start trying to solve the problems. Do not lose yourself in your emotions because you will only make me impatient and frustrated. If you cannot make yourself do that, forget about approaching me. I will not want to bother about people like these.