And the job search continues. Went for an interview with the mafia just now and gosh, I have never felt so tired, so exsperated after that. The mafia members were basically entertaining themselves by shooting me from all different ways. (I never knew not taking maths can be so disturbing to them) My mind just sank into auto pilot after a while, where it completely took over and I just reply to every question without really going through my self consciousness (which is why I cannot remember much of it now). The sensation can be liken to the sudden splitting up of your personality, in which one side goes "goodness, this is stupid!Why are you asking me?"and the other goes "keep calm, keep cool". The last time I felt that way was perhaps during that trash talk session with certain individuals years ago. Grace, I know what you went through last year now! Haha. It really is a test of tolerance and quick thinking. Well, I seriously dont think I will get the job, but it was quite a valuable experience. At least I was able to keep calm and cool on the outside and smile throughout (though I felt seriously gek and want to cry in frustration)! Haha, I'll be even more prepared next time and will not make random mistakes like saying "stuff" instead of "things".

Maybe I should consider relief teaching.

Moving on, I also realise today that some memories really cannot be erased completely. When faced with a somewhat similar situation, I find myself experiencing the same things as I did the last time. It is kind of weird, because while your main consciousness is able to react to reality pretty normally, the back of your mind keeps reminding you of certain past scenarios which you thought you had forgotten, and that can be rathering confusing. No wonder my mind felt so overloaded after that. Still, as Evelyn, the aspiring-but-now-doubting psychologist told me, memories are part of a connection in your mind that can never be broken. They can only fade away or weaken with time, and the deeper it is, the longer it takes to weaken it. Perhaps I still need more time. Maybe I need to remind myself next time even more strongly that I am in a totally different situation, and that past failures does not determine the present.

But what about relationships? Does it completely disappear with the passing of time? Or does it fade away, yet leaving traces of it, just enough to remind you now and then? (Heehee, so Eve, can you answer this?XD)

Oh, and random note of the day: you know something bad really happen when a normally non expressive guy starts blogging in poem style. Hope you recover with time too! Take care!